On days like these..

It's been a long, long work week. I do love my job, but working in the Real Estate sector leaves us open to abuse from a lot of different angles. We deal with owners, tenants, Body Corporates, maintenance companies, lawyers and my favourite by far: the call centre workers of the City of Cape Town. Too many problems, too many fights, way too much struggling to get even the simplest of things done...   I feel a bit spend and vulnerable today.

It's days like these that really gets to me. That gets me questioning and over-thinking. I do like to wallow in misery every so often and on days like these I get in over my head and enjoy a good slosh. And then there, in this mud of misery I would ultimately start thinking about the unfairness of it all. Why must life be so HARD? When I was young I really looked forward to all of this. To be all grown up, to work and be independent. To meet the man of my dreams and raise a family. Guess it doesn't always work out so well, or it turns out to be nothing like you expected and you feel all let down and disappointed.

And adoption is hard. It is tough to let go of all your preconceived ideas about becoming a parent and to make peace with the fact that your journey is going to be very different from the one that you imagined for yourself. It is tough to be so sad for the loss of one dream and so absolutely happy about this new road that you are following. It is tough to really LIVE through every day while you are endlessly waiting for this miracle to happen to you. It is tough to have to admit that you have no control over the process and to be able to throw your open arms into the air and surrender to the total uncontrollability of the situation. Like my grandmother surely would have said: "Laat Gods water oor Gods akker loop".

I am trying Grandma, some days are just easier than others.