Our Adoption Journey

Our journey to start a family through the miracle of adoption.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

The Courage to make Changes

A lot of stuff happened in the last 3-4 weeks. Not small stuff and not good stuff. We were propelled out of our comfy little zone and left scrambling for steady ground.
I do not want to bore you with the details, but in short: Riaan was forced to close his business after his main supplier (one which he serviced for 4 years) send him a fax on a Saturday afternoon to inform him that they will no longer be needing his services. They gave him 5 days notice...

We bought a little house in the country about 2 years ago which we are renovating and use over weekends to get away from the City. It is about 1 and a half hours drive out of Cape Town. We are currently living in my MIL house, but she put in on the market to be sold. All of this now left us with no income for Riaan and no house should this one get sold, and by effect no way to pay full rent for a house in Cape Town and pay off a bond on our home in the country.

We have been toying with the idea to open a little health shop in the country and have been plotting with the locals, but it all seemed but a dream. It seemed too big a dream because how on earth can we move out of the City, leave our decent salaries behind and afford to open a shop that will not be able to support us until we've established a decent market. I believe that if you put enough energy and thought into something you create an awareness about it and your life path takes you in that direction, because that is what your heart desires. So after about a year and a half of dreaming about this idea I think that the universe gave us a huge boot under our bums and said: "ENOUGH!! Get going and open your little shop and be happy in the beautiful, serene country already!!"

So yesterday I gathered up ALL of my courage. I am actually extremely shy and introverted, so for me to ask for any aid or assistance takes a lot out of me. I will rather struggle on my own. But I took some very long and deep breaths and told my boss that I would like to speak to her in private. Then I gave her an overview on our situation and asked her whether she will consider that I work from our home in the country. I manage the rental accounts and payments for an estate agency and 99% of my work is done online, so this is the perfect job to be able to do remotely.

We had a very positive discussion and she seams to be ok with the idea - rather than to have to replace me and trust a stranger with the responsibility. So over the next few days we will try to smooth out all the possible pitfalls and the finer details. But it seems like we will be able to start 2013 by opening a brand new chapter in our lives.

We will get to live in the country (which has always been our hearts' desire). I will get to keep my job (which I absolutely love) and Riaan will get to live his dream by having a little health shop. And of coarse, once our little bambino arrives we will be able to raise our family  - not in the craziness of a big City - but out in the country in a beautiful little town where the neighbours still know your name, your yard is 1000sqm of open space and it is safe to walk in the streets.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

25 October 2008

Today, 4 years ago I married the man of my dreams. We met in 2002 and started going out in 2003. We lived in sin for a couple of years and eventually got hitched in 2008. And now, here we are, 4 years later and still going strong.

Happy Anniversary Honey! We have been through a LOT of bad stuff, but we also had a LOT of good times. May the future be kind to us and may our dreams and wishes come true. xxxx


Friday, 5 October 2012

Adoption Articles

There is some interesting and informative articles about adoption on the following website: http://www.yourparenting.co.za/fertility/adoption

I don't know whether it is just my Google skills that improved, but I love how it seems that since we started our journey, there is a LOT more information available about adoption, the process and people's experiences.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

"If we didn’t have birthdays,
you wouldn’t be you.
If you’d never been born,
well then what would you do?
If you’d never been born,
well then what would you be?
You might be a fish!
Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob!
Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of
hard green tomatoes."
"Or worse than all that…Why,
you might be a WASN’T!
A Wasn’t has no fun at all.
No, he doesn’t.
A Wasn’t just isn’t.
He just isn’t present.
But you…You ARE YOU!
And, now isn’t that pleasant!"
"Today you are you!
That is truer than true!
There is no one alive...
Happy Birthday To You!
...who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, “I am lucky
to be what I am!
Thank goodness I’m not
just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of
sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That’s a
great thing to be!
If I say so myself,

- Dr. Seuss™

Monday, 1 October 2012

The Panel Meeting - Our joy and hurt

We haven't told a lot of people the "full" story of our panel meeting. Accordingly we met with our Agency, went though all our paperwork, drank a cup of coffee, handed in our profile and were officially placed on the waiting list.

This did indeed all happen, but something extraordinary happened as well. Something that filled us with so much joy and hope. We met with our SW and the SW who works with the BMs. They were very nice and friendly as always, but the atmosphere was a bit strange and they looked at us in a funny way. I get a bit emotional whenever we meet with our SW, so I thought that it was just me.

However, after we got the admin out of the way they said that there was something that they needed to discuss with us. It was way out of their protocol to do this, but because of the circumstances they needed to clear up certain conditions before they can proceed.

They then told us that a little boy was born the previous day. The BM chose a family for him, but it turned out that this specific family were also chosen by another BM and that they were going ahead with that adoption. This baby now needed some new parents, but the BM did not want to choose from the profiles that she already saw as she would then feel that she's settling for "second best". We only handed our profile in on the day of our panel meeting, so it was the only new profile and we also met the specifications that the BM had for the adoptive family. I nearly fell of my chair. Riaan and I looked at each other in disbelief. We were NOT expecting this. We were groomed and prepared to be waiting for months (if not years) before a baby would become available.

According to the Agency's protocol, the adoptive parents are not made aware of any babies until such time that the consent period has expired, for the simple reason to prevent pain and trauma should the BM change her mind and retract consent. They did however need to tell us about this little boy, as his case involved some unforeseen hospital costs that needed to be covered by the adoptive parents. They had to make sure that we were comfortable with this and that we would be able to cover it. We were in the clouds, nodding our heads like crazy people. Of course we were OK with this (in the back of my head I was thinking that we might have to sell all our furniture or each get an extra job, but what the heck!!)

It was very difficult to wrap my head around the fact that we can be so lucky. Could we really have a total number of 0 waiting days on our journey? Do miracles happen, and was one happening to us? We left the Agency walking on clouds with crazy-people grins on our faces. It was Friday and they would let us know by Monday whether we were chosen - although according to them the chances were very, very slim that we won't be.

We decided to not get too excited and not tell the whole world, but how do you keep something like this to yourself??? So I called my mom, and we called Riaan's mom and shared the news. We might be parents come Monday!

It was a very looooong weekend. And it was extremely hard for me not to tell everybody at work on Monday morning. Seeing as the office talk revolved around all things pregnant at that stage, it was hard for me not to blab. But luckily I did not.. We did not hear from the Agency on Monday so on Tuesday I called them. Our SW said that she had some bad news. Over the weekend the father of the baby surfaced. He denied fatherhood during the pregnancy, but after a friend of the BM told him about the adoption he suddenly wanted a paternity test. The adoption was of the table.

My heart sank. I did not cry, although I wanted to a little, but I think that I weren't overly convinced that we can indeed be so lucky. We are so use to struggle to get the things we want, so why would a baby just "fall into our laps". And so the waiting started. On Wednesday we will reach the eight month mark. It is hard, but we are patient. I do not mourn the boy that never was, because that it just it, he never was meant to be ours. I do believe in fate and I do believe that there are an immense amount of events that have to fall into place in exactly the right order on exactly the right time for us to take our bambino home.

I however had to share this - and sorry for the long post - but this will always be a part of our journey and I do want to remember it the way that it really happened because this is the most important journey that we are on.