I hate goodbyes

Today was my last day at work at our Cape Town office. I'm having such a lot of mixed emotions over this one. I thought that I would be happier - more excited. Truth is, I'm very very sad and a bit scared. I'm sad as I'm leaving people behind that has meant a lot to me during the years. My boss, Rose is like a second mom to me, always ready to help and give advise. And now she is taking a huge leap of faith and trusting me to carry on

Goodbye cake for me from Rose

with my work 200 km away from the office.

My colleague is also one of my best friends, although I haven't treated her as such during these past few months. She had her 2nd child about 10 months ago and we just kind of drifted apart. I'm sad that I let these past couple of months flew by without really participating in life. I was going through the motions, getting up, going to work, going home, eat sleep, repeat. Rushing to "visit" my husband over weekends, trying to stretch the hours before rushing back. Seven months have passed in a blur and left me feeling dizzy and disorientated. 

Oh and yes, I'm actually not a little bit scared, I'm a lot scared. Not scared about making it work, but scared that this might all be to good to be true. Can something so great really be happening to me? Can I really have all that I dream of, and will this turn out to be all that I want it to be? In my heart of hearts I know that I deserve this, that I've paid my dues and did my part. It just feel strange to not be fighting and struggling to get what I want...