Watch the video it here.
Monday, 9 September 2013
Trinity Heart and Adoption on Doctors Orders
"The adoption journey can be a very daunting process. This extract from Doctor's Orders aim to share some of the experiences of parents who have chosen to adopt and also speak to people and organizations that are facilitating the adoption process and providing support for parents."
Watch the video it here.
Watch the video it here.
Monday, 2 September 2013
A Compactum for our Shadow Child
While we are waiting we have acquired a couple of baby goods but nothing serious. I think the one thing that will drive me completely over the edge is having a nicely done up nursery with no baby. I am a professional procrastinator, so think that those last 2 weeks will be more than enough time to prepare for the delivery of our little one.
This said, in the back of my head I'm always preparing for when we have a baby. Certain things gets bought (or not), holidays taken (or not) and planning done (or not), always with our little shadow child in mind.
So this weekend there was an auction in our neighboring town and we were on a mission to go and buy a freezer. Living in the country we now have the opportunity to buy produce in bulk and our garden is coming along nicely, so the freezer is needed to store all of these - and of coarse it would be very helpful when we prepare baby food to freeze...
I love auctions and I also like buying second hand stuff. Of course I like new things, but the problem is when I buy something new I end up feeling very sorry for it and then do not really USE it. Just this afternoon I was looking at my phone. It is protected buy a big pouch which makes it a bit inconvenient as I have to open it up the whole time and it also still have the plastic protective film on the glass. It still looks very nice, but I was thinking, for what? It's almost time to upgrade and then I'll hand the phone down or sell it or something. So the next person will have a nice (new) phone, whereas I did not really USE it... So I like buying used stuff that I do not feel sorry for and get to fully enjoy and use.
Back at the auction we were going though the motions. We looked around and we set our targets on the freezers. While browsing my eye caught the compactum but I decided to stay with the program and focus on the freezers. In the back of my head I was thinking that I would surely like to have a compactum, always have, but did not really see us paying a LOT of money for a new one and not really less for a used one.
So then the auctioneer got to the compactum and did his thing. Nobody lifted their hands. The auctioneer then cut the price and remarked that you do not really need a baby in order to buy it.. Riaan caught my eyes, which by that time were welling up like our Cape dams at the moment, ready to spill. In return he had big question-marks in his eyes and I nodded my head. His hand flew up and he bought our baby his/her very own compactum for a whole R100-00!! It is very sturdy, made from real wood and with a fresh coat of paint and some decoration it is going to look beautiful!
Needles to say, we went home with a bakkie-load full of things (including a freezer). The compactum is now standing smack-bam in the middle of our living room. I still have to re-arrange the spare-room to fit it in. But I'm happy. Don't know if I'm more happy for having it, or that me and my hubby both had the need to make our first real purchase for this little child of ours.
This said, in the back of my head I'm always preparing for when we have a baby. Certain things gets bought (or not), holidays taken (or not) and planning done (or not), always with our little shadow child in mind.
So this weekend there was an auction in our neighboring town and we were on a mission to go and buy a freezer. Living in the country we now have the opportunity to buy produce in bulk and our garden is coming along nicely, so the freezer is needed to store all of these - and of coarse it would be very helpful when we prepare baby food to freeze...
I love auctions and I also like buying second hand stuff. Of course I like new things, but the problem is when I buy something new I end up feeling very sorry for it and then do not really USE it. Just this afternoon I was looking at my phone. It is protected buy a big pouch which makes it a bit inconvenient as I have to open it up the whole time and it also still have the plastic protective film on the glass. It still looks very nice, but I was thinking, for what? It's almost time to upgrade and then I'll hand the phone down or sell it or something. So the next person will have a nice (new) phone, whereas I did not really USE it... So I like buying used stuff that I do not feel sorry for and get to fully enjoy and use.
Back at the auction we were going though the motions. We looked around and we set our targets on the freezers. While browsing my eye caught the compactum but I decided to stay with the program and focus on the freezers. In the back of my head I was thinking that I would surely like to have a compactum, always have, but did not really see us paying a LOT of money for a new one and not really less for a used one.
So then the auctioneer got to the compactum and did his thing. Nobody lifted their hands. The auctioneer then cut the price and remarked that you do not really need a baby in order to buy it.. Riaan caught my eyes, which by that time were welling up like our Cape dams at the moment, ready to spill. In return he had big question-marks in his eyes and I nodded my head. His hand flew up and he bought our baby his/her very own compactum for a whole R100-00!! It is very sturdy, made from real wood and with a fresh coat of paint and some decoration it is going to look beautiful!
Needles to say, we went home with a bakkie-load full of things (including a freezer). The compactum is now standing smack-bam in the middle of our living room. I still have to re-arrange the spare-room to fit it in. But I'm happy. Don't know if I'm more happy for having it, or that me and my hubby both had the need to make our first real purchase for this little child of ours.
Friday, 30 August 2013
Yes...
Just had to share the following post. Not completely true to my situation, but the feelings are definitely the same. Got especially teary when reading the following:
We’re moms without children. It’s an ache that doesn't go away. It starts before we see their faces and only ends when they’re in our arms. So we walk about with half our heart missing. It’s hard to breathe, to think, to speak. Something always feels missing. Because they are.
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
PROCARE ADOPTIONS
Have a look at the new Procare Adoptions blog - A blog about adoption experiences.
It features some lovely letters from adoptive parents, even from our own celebrities, Nico & Christi Panagio who have also adopted through Procare.
It is great to read all the heartwarming stories and to have the confirmation that by dealing with Procare we are dealing with professionals.
Hope they'll give us "A CALL" soon :-)
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Hats off to you!
Sharon and her family (The Blessed Barrenness) as well as Manie and Morne & Loic (Two and a Half - and still growing - Men) appeared on Talk SA recently. You can watch the episode here.
They are also appearing in the Sep/Oct issue of Your Baby magazine. You can read the very informative article here.
Terry Lailvaux (Adoptmom) was interviewed on Doctor's Orders, talking about her adoption story - hope to have a link to the episode soon!
Thursday, 8 August 2013
Why we are not adopting trans-racially
This is a tough subject and one that I have not really touched on openly during this journey of ours. I always felt that this is the most difficult, as well as private decision to be made when choosing to adopt and it is a decision to be made where you are 100% honest with yourself and satisfied with your answer.
Last week The Blessed Barrenness had a post about her (utterly adorable) mixed-race children coming with their unique set of challenges, the empathy that she feels with people wanting to adopt from the same racial group, but also her frustration on counselling people who longs for a baby but limits their chances by only wanting a baby of the same race.
We had limited our chances.
When we started out more than 3 years ago contacting agencies we had a lot of doors slammed in our faces. We were still very "naive" at that stage and from the word go requested a white baby - therefor the slammed doors. We got a lot of e-mails explaining that there are waiting lists for white babies and no new applications accepted - and that we will not be put on a list for in case the applications open again so that they can inform us. We will have to call back every 6 months or so to find out whether new applications are being accepted.
This was very sobering but we were still keeping at it and had some hope that if we keep on digging somewhere something must give. And it did. A few months later Procare contacted us and said that they are opening their applications for white babies and whether we are still interested to be on the list? And so our journey started.
It was also during this time that we bought our house in the country. This was to be our "someday" but we also knew that this is the place where we would want to raise our child(ren). So while going through the process we were slightly coached by our SW to think about the option of adopting a mixed-race baby. It would be much easier, A LOT faster and with me and Riaan both being dark-skinned and -haired, it could almost be perfect.
While staying in the City and "blending" into the masses where nobody really knows you or your business, except close friends, our decision might have been different. But coming from the platteland ourselves, we knew the implications of living in a small town where people know you, either love or hate you and "skinder" a lot about you. Would we really want to add this burden onto a child's shoulders who will already have a lot to deal with?
For now of coarse we live in the country. Our town consist mostly of white Afrikaners, as well as an English factor slowly seeping in. A lot are farmers, owning land in the region for generations. Mostly friendly and really goodhearted people. But because the town has a history, it is difficult for people to move into the town and become part of the community. There is even a term for these people - "Inkomers" (Incomers). Luckily with Riaan's job and the fact that he is a very social person he has established our part in the community quite fast and we lost the label quickly.
At the other end we have a big coloured community. Also some very good people and a lot of them being here for generations. But on the other tip of the scale we host a fairly new government low-cost housing development, which has seen a lot of people moving into the area. Unfortunately resulting from this there is a lot of unemployment among these people, leading to alcohol and substance abuse and gangs of children roaming the streets, looking for some mischief to entertain themselves with or something to eat.
So the question is, if we brought home a mixed-race baby, where would this child fit in? Would the children of the farmers and townspeople accept our child with open arms (minds)? Would our child associate him/herself with the children of the coloured community and would he/she understand if we will not allow him/her to go play with friends in the township? (And do not get me wrong - we have friends from the coloured community and we visit their church on occasion but I will not send my child into their streets to play.)
In a small community it is very important to feel and be part of that community, otherwise your live can get very, very lonely. By deciding to wait for a baby of the same race, we are maybe putting ourselves in it for a long wait. But by bringing home a mixed-race baby, hoping that the risk will be worth it and that we will be able to provide the child with a good live and a loving environment (outside our home) might not be a good idea.
This is however a subject that Riaan and I sometimes revisit. Will the outcome differ in future, I do not know. It might, but for now the vote is unanimous to not over-complicate an already complicated situation.
Last week The Blessed Barrenness had a post about her (utterly adorable) mixed-race children coming with their unique set of challenges, the empathy that she feels with people wanting to adopt from the same racial group, but also her frustration on counselling people who longs for a baby but limits their chances by only wanting a baby of the same race.
We had limited our chances.
When we started out more than 3 years ago contacting agencies we had a lot of doors slammed in our faces. We were still very "naive" at that stage and from the word go requested a white baby - therefor the slammed doors. We got a lot of e-mails explaining that there are waiting lists for white babies and no new applications accepted - and that we will not be put on a list for in case the applications open again so that they can inform us. We will have to call back every 6 months or so to find out whether new applications are being accepted.
This was very sobering but we were still keeping at it and had some hope that if we keep on digging somewhere something must give. And it did. A few months later Procare contacted us and said that they are opening their applications for white babies and whether we are still interested to be on the list? And so our journey started.
It was also during this time that we bought our house in the country. This was to be our "someday" but we also knew that this is the place where we would want to raise our child(ren). So while going through the process we were slightly coached by our SW to think about the option of adopting a mixed-race baby. It would be much easier, A LOT faster and with me and Riaan both being dark-skinned and -haired, it could almost be perfect.
While staying in the City and "blending" into the masses where nobody really knows you or your business, except close friends, our decision might have been different. But coming from the platteland ourselves, we knew the implications of living in a small town where people know you, either love or hate you and "skinder" a lot about you. Would we really want to add this burden onto a child's shoulders who will already have a lot to deal with?
For now of coarse we live in the country. Our town consist mostly of white Afrikaners, as well as an English factor slowly seeping in. A lot are farmers, owning land in the region for generations. Mostly friendly and really goodhearted people. But because the town has a history, it is difficult for people to move into the town and become part of the community. There is even a term for these people - "Inkomers" (Incomers). Luckily with Riaan's job and the fact that he is a very social person he has established our part in the community quite fast and we lost the label quickly.
At the other end we have a big coloured community. Also some very good people and a lot of them being here for generations. But on the other tip of the scale we host a fairly new government low-cost housing development, which has seen a lot of people moving into the area. Unfortunately resulting from this there is a lot of unemployment among these people, leading to alcohol and substance abuse and gangs of children roaming the streets, looking for some mischief to entertain themselves with or something to eat.
So the question is, if we brought home a mixed-race baby, where would this child fit in? Would the children of the farmers and townspeople accept our child with open arms (minds)? Would our child associate him/herself with the children of the coloured community and would he/she understand if we will not allow him/her to go play with friends in the township? (And do not get me wrong - we have friends from the coloured community and we visit their church on occasion but I will not send my child into their streets to play.)
In a small community it is very important to feel and be part of that community, otherwise your live can get very, very lonely. By deciding to wait for a baby of the same race, we are maybe putting ourselves in it for a long wait. But by bringing home a mixed-race baby, hoping that the risk will be worth it and that we will be able to provide the child with a good live and a loving environment (outside our home) might not be a good idea.
This is however a subject that Riaan and I sometimes revisit. Will the outcome differ in future, I do not know. It might, but for now the vote is unanimous to not over-complicate an already complicated situation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)